While I'm Waiting.

     Two months  have come and gone since my journey in Honduras. I've been dreading this blog post ever since I left, knowing that I could never wrap up every smile, every hug, every friendship, every breathtaking moment in the presence of God, in just a few words. People ask the inevitable question "how was your trip?" thousands of imagines flood my mind but all that seems to come out is "it was good" or "it was life changing"  and they smile and give their words of approval and then the moment is gone. This trip was more then a good experience, more then a culture shock, more then a missions trip, it was a coming back to the lover of my soul. It was a conformation of my calling, a match that re kindled the passion of my relationship with Christ that at the time was going through a dark place. God used this trip to woo me back to His heart, to inspire in me a deeper burning for my calling in missions. During the last two months I have been discovering more of who God is, what His grace is really like. How His peace is so important and that it's vital to living a victorious life in Him. One of the hardest struggles in my daily life has been the waiting. I long to start my life in foreign missions now,  to become a nurse and begin my journey. I have dates and goals that I have plastered my note books with. Sometimes I think if I close my eyes and become blind to everything around me, push my way through school and wish really hard, then all of a sudden I'll  magically be on the mission field. In those moments God has ever so gently whispered "Wait on me,Lyndsey,just wait." He has again and again reminded me that He has placed me in Avon Park, Florida for a reason, that He is preparing my heart and my soul, my mind and my footsteps for what's down the road. If I cannot love and minister to the people He has placed in my life now, how can I love those He will place in my future? I cannot, it takes obedience in every season of life, not just in one. When we serve Him while waiting, while we worship Him while waiting, we become caught up in His peace and are able to actively rest in His overwhelming love. It is painful at times,it's hard and can cause us to feel like we will never get there but never ever give up. He is here and is ever faithful to complete the work He has started in us. So today, I encourage to wait upon the giver of peace. He will never forsake you.

                                                          Yours Always, 

                                                                              Lyndsey Rachelle<3

Psalm 130:5-6 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the 

Lord more than they that watch for the morning - yes, more than they that watch for the morning.

"While I"m Waiting" -http://youtu.be/FWI-iZsIKIk

The Desert.

     "I can not see. I can not hear. I can not feel."  My brain spills out these thoughts faster then the wind that furiously tangles my hair. The desert has this way about it. A way that sucks the life right out of you. It's a sickening beauty. There's an emptiness that fills each grain of sand. It's in the air and even in the clouds that refuse to cry. I did not want to walk here but something draws me even now to this waste land. I am alone. I am alone with myself. Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my fears. I am alone with every disgusting and beautiful thing I despise about myself. The solitude has become my company. Before this journey I was runner. I ran from being alone. I would run to people, to places. Anything that sheltered me from this monster  that always seemed to be at my heels. I could not bear staring myself in the face. I was a fugitive. However, that was then and this is now. The desert is a terrifying place. It forces stillness down your throat, like a thick cherry cough syrup. It's ugly and bitter but somehow it heals. At first you cannot hear, or see, or feel. You can only think up ways to run. But as suns glorious rays shatter the shadows that cover your soul, you become a new being. You are now able to hear the whispers from Heaven. The voice that was drowned out by your running footsteps. My footsteps. My running. His voice is perfectly peaceful, and although the process is painful, the end result is worth the violent wind. You see the desert is here, we all make our way through it. We all find ourselves in a places far away. Alone. But that is where we are able to hear, to see, to feel. When we step back and listen, His voice is clearer. When painful places take us away, His love is closer then ever. That is what the desert has taught me. I am never alone.  -Lyndsey Rachelle<3

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

     As you may know, Edgar Allan Poe has been one of my favorite poets for a very long time. I have his full collection of poems & stories all beautifully wrapped up into one singular book. Yes, his writings are dark, & sometimes a bit disturbing (like the one about the cat in the wall). But nevertheless he is a phenomenal writer that has inspired many another famous poets & authors. But Today, I must confess I was shocked when my English professor told me to give up my love affair with Poe. It became a huge blow when I understood that she, a well respected women of English, despised Poe's writings.  She explained that to her, his writing was tremendously unclear and difficult to properly analyze. I have never met a Poe hater & to me that was hard to hear. Many nights and long afternoons I have had my eyes glued to his beautiful words, carefully placed side by side, making a long line of rhythmic images and feelings that have taken me places far, far away. So, this new thought that his writings, in fact could be "unclear" befuddles me still. However, as the saying goes, "each to his/her own." But for me, I will always be a fan. Now, excuse me while I go read some Edgar Allan Poe.
                                                  Yours Always,
                                                                          Lyndsey Rachelle<3
Two of my favorite Poe Poems<3

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

-Edgar Allan Poe

Eldorado

Gaily bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow,
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.

But he grew old-
This knight so bold-
And o'er his heart a shadow
Fell as he found
No spot of ground
That looked like Eldorado.

And, as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow-
"Shadow," said he,
"Where can it be-
This land of Eldorado?"

"Over the Mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,"
The shade replied-
"If you seek for Eldorado!"

-Edgar Allan Poe

Inspiration at It's Finest

     One of the most beautiful things in life is sitting down with a latte & a Josh Groban CD. Most people would think of this as boring or dull, or simply not musically appealing. But to me it's heaven in a cup as well as in my ears. Most of my inspiration for papers, projects, and personal writing has birthed from this simple little combination. It's like the sound of rain or the ocean kissing the shore, it washes away the busy and buries the anxieties of the day. I absolutely love this time of focus where I can meditate and pray, daydream and think clearly. I guess you could say it's one of my happy places of perfection. So today, I encourage you to sip a latte or tea & give Josh Groban a listen. You might be surprised at the outcome (such as a novel or random tears of happiness.)
                                                                                                   
                                                                            Yours always,
                                                                                          Lyndsey Rachelle<3

Here are a couple of my favorite Josh Groban songs<3

"Mi Mancherai"
http://youtu.be/GWDqWSgHR68

"So She Dances"
http://youtu.be/41qBffVg154

"The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress"
http://youtu.be/rBBRs_xctqM

The Sea

   The sea fills my cupped hands as I bow to the majestic shimmering tower of ocean. It gently caresses my face, drawing me in deeper. It washes over me & I feel whole again. Breath fills my lungs. The sound of waves, it grows louder, it rages, it roars like the lion. I let it consume me, body and soul. Drowning, I lay at the bottom of this monstrous pit. Fear becomes a rag that suffocates my mouth. Screaming, I violently try to shatter the chains that envelop every part of my hollow being. Hell swallows my body over and over, until the blackness clouds my vision and devourers my bliss. The sounds from above remind me I’m still faintly breathing in the salty air. Suddenly, the waves draw back, the sound calms, hope settles in. My raw screams abruptly end. The suns glassy refection airs throughout this paradise land. The wind seems to be in sync with the tide. I breathe in and with eyes closed the water grips my neck and drags me under…
- Lyndsey Rachelle<3

Brush Strokes of Confusion

     Color, wild splashes of reds, yellows, and blacks. They run over and blanket everything they touch. Sinful rushes of crazed minds blow from these visions seen by the eye. Hollow, some would say. Most humans refuse to change their lenses of wonder. They stay where they are. Not understanding the lethal injections they plaster themselves with when they vow to stay stagnate. This beauty is not meant to be understood. They stare at this twisted piece of canvas and search for meaning. They pick, and pull. They grapple their way through justifying what their eyes see. They dig for reason. Why? That's all they long to know. Anger knocks them down like a brutal wave when they search in vain. They become the victims of ignorance. You cannot live with eyes closed to the things you do not want to see. Sometimes you are forced to look death in the face. Even still, beauty can be found in chaos, in recklessness, and in the quiet. Life does not give us our answers. But His love is powerful and when we stare at brush strokes of confusion, we can rest in His grace. He changes our glasses of unbelief and empowers us to find the beauty and peace in things we cannot grasp.  -Lyndsey Rachelle<3

Glory among the pain.

     This week has been a stressful, crazy, emotional week for my family and I. We recently discovered that my aunt has cancer. I shudder at the word. There's something cruel about the way it slides off my tongue. It does not discriminate against age or gender. Race or where you live. What your name is or what your beliefs are. It evades not just the body but the soul as well. Every survivor I have ever talked to has been transformed by their fight on the battle field. Many tears shed, prayers lifted, faces kissed, hugs shared, and joy found mixed in with pain has all been apart of their journey. Why God lets us go through such things, I do not know. My only conclusion is that through our pain and suffering we are able to see things in a different light. We become closer to the glory of God. Pain was screaming from the hill of Golgotha as Christ died on the cross. We find it hard to imagine that imaige as being full of glory. But that is the picture of His vast, endless love for us. He became sin for me, for you. He went through the deepest kind of pain there is. He knows what our hearts feel. I think we tend to forget that. We become so clouded by our own pain we become oblivious to His love that is right in front of our faces. I have been guilty of just that. As I have grappled with the concept of one of my closest friends (yes, my aunt is one of my best friends) dealing with such a serious and life threatening illness, I have realized once again that I do not have all the answers. I'm clueless when it comes to the  "whys" we so endlessly ask. But I do know that we can trust the God that made our hearts and longs for us. He is stronger than cancer and whether or not He heals physically, He always heals spirituality. And for that He deserves all praise. So, tonight praise God for His faithfulness even in the dark places.
                                                                                                                Yours always,
                                                                                                                                      Lyndsey Rachelle<3